Relationship Coach, Author, Speaker
Who is The Commitment Phobe?
The Commitment Phobe wears many hats, works in various professions and comes in all ethnicities, shapes, sizes and cultures. He can cleverly disguise himself as a romantic, a gentleman, a prince or a die-hard cheerleader of Team You. Not only does this pose a difficult problem for women everywhere looking for Mr. Right, but this guy is the most confused of all because the Commitment Phobe truly wants one thing - to commit.
This guy can sometimes appear to be the strong, silent type and he truly wants love and acceptance as much as the next person. But the Commitment Phobe is not the man you dreamt about as a little girl. He is neither confident nor sure of himself, but rather somewhat cocky and overly self-absorbed. He can also come across as cool and mysterious, seemingly hiding a deep secret.
The Commitment Phobe is used to burying his emotions, only bringing them to the surface in extremes. Like most of us in the world, he has issues from his past. The pain he carries is not unlike the rest of ours, but his fears can feel quite suffocating. There are many reasons for his fear of commitment, but none that have to do with his lack of love or feelings for you.
In the beginning of this relationship, there is typically an intentional unwavering pursuit by the man who cannot commit. He relentlessly pursues his prize and his “take no prisoners” approach t getting the girl makes for an exciting ride (even if that ride only lasts one night). Eventually, the prey tires and the eager charm of her insistent Prince finally wins her over. That is, until she turns to face him, unintentionally sparking his own latent fears.
In the beginning of this relationship, you were single, intermittently looking for love and generally minding your own business. You may even have just gotten out of another relationship with a guy you have since nicknamed “asshole.” The irony, of course, is that the former asshole is appearing strikingly similar to the current guy. Before I cover that, let’s focus on what sideswiped you when you least expected it.
You were going about your life when you met this fun and interesting guy. He seems nice and all, but really, you have more interest in your 6 PM yoga class at this point. However, he’s relentless and worse, charming. While you were looking for The One and barely interested in this bozo that had inexplicably wedged himself into your so-called-life, you found yourself sidetracked by his curiosity, cool demeanor and genuine interest. Suddenly, you had sleepless nights smiling at the thought of him. You’re doomed, you thought. But this guy spent most of his time convincing you to give him a shot (even though he is a man of few words) while he played the role of the romantic love-struck Romeo.
While this guy spent the majority of his days and nights in hot pursuit of you, the more you gained interest and thought: well, maybe. Little did you know that in no time at all, this innocent thought would turn into a full-fledged, hell-hath-no-furry, downright nightmare.
While you have your natural guard up, appearing aloof, the Commitment Phobe goes in for the kill and breaks that wall down, giving you the high that can only be felt when Cupid’s arrow strikes. Once this cool cat cracks that wall, your addiction to love pours out, nearly drowning this guy in the process. Subconsciously, you wonder what he possibly sees in you and why he is so insistent on choosing you, of all people. What was wrong with this guy, you wondered. But love persists and so do you.
This mysterious man may not even have been your type. Physically, perhaps you could have done much better. But this guy had confidence and wanted to give you the world. What did looks, his clothing or his hairstyle have to do with anything, you asked yourself. You weren’t materialistic, right? And somehow, while you were busy sorting all of this out in your head, trying to figure out what this intense feeling was that you were starting to have and generally analyzing the hell out of things, it happened. You fell in love. After he pulls away, back and forth, in and out…the question becomes…can you get this relationship back to the beginning?